500 Days of Sober. 380 in Quarantine: How sobriety helped me survive quarantine and how I wasn’t prepared for either.

 9 min read

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The article was originally published on April 20th, 2021

500 Days of Sober. 380 in Quarantine: How sobriety helped me survive quarantine and how I wasn’t prepared for either.

✨“The only way to change your life is to change your life”

-My Peloton instructor yesterday✨

✨Day 1: Sobertine

The day I got sober, I didn’t make the decision to “get sober”, I just knew that I had to change my life and made the decision to start on November 18th, 2019. The first day of quarantine on March 18th, 2020, none of us understood how much our lives had just changed. None of us expected it to last or make much of a difference in our lives. What was happening in the world was terrifying and unknown and we were just taking it one day at a time. The beginning of my sobriety was like that too. I didn’t set out to change much, I just knew being sober sucked and I was scared and all I could manage was surviving the next literal moment, which somehow eventually amounted to days, and then weeks, and months. I didn’t expect it to last. A minor, temporary inconvenience, until I could get back to living the life I knew; numb, disconnected, and discontented. Super inspiring options, I know. But humans can be very committed to our comfort zones, our known options, even if the options we know are bleak. It’s safe and predictable-- and we believe we are in control.

Then the pandemic came right in and swiftly obliterated that deeply held belief. Our belief in control, normalcy, safety, routine, connection, stability, maintaining, managing, living, existing. 

Quarantine carved out a new space and new truths we had to live in. A space of isolation and stillness that we now had to exist in every day. A great expanse of “time” (and by “time” I mean-- I have no idea what time means anymore. Can’t we all agree that in this Pandemic Place our collective conception of time, how it operates, and how we relate to it is was totally fucked?) Where we couldn’t avoid Ourselves or The Unknown. This Stillness and Isolation amplified our deepest Thoughts, Fears, Anxieties, and shifted our Connection with other people, and dismantled the Known World. 

The world was not prepared for this Great Pause. It invited us to confront many things we desperately needed to confront. We were not ready to sit alone and be still with ourselves. 

Often what we need most comes in the shittiest package imaginable. 

We are never ready. But we begin anyway. What choice do we have? There’s no going back to how things were or who you used to be. 

✨“Hope is vital to the human heart. You don’t know how essential it is to living until it’s gone” - Some wise words in my journal before I got sober✨

✨The Spark

Sobriety takes everything you believe about yourself and all the ways you lived your life and burns them to the ground. Cortez burning the ships style. Guess what motherfucker, you live HERE now. Better start building anew. Remember, there’s no going back.

All I knew at the start was that I had no idea what I was doing. 

All I knew was that I needed to change. 

I didn’t know how but I knew why. 

At the purest level of my being, I knew I was killing myself. I had separated myself so wholly from the truth of who I was I felt like a stranger to myself. This is what made it so easy to destroy and sabotage that stranger’s life. The gap between who I was and who I was meant to be had grown so inordinately vast that the pain was simply inescapable. Even for a professional escape artist like me.

I arrived at a crossroads where I understood the choice was simple: change or die. 

Get sober or lose everything. 

A singular spark inside of me remained alight like an eternal flame. 

It spurred me on. 

It made me believe that I could recover my authentic self. 

That I was still worth fighting for. 

And that I didn’t have to fight alone. 

It called me forth.

This spark activated enough courage inside of me to ask for help. 

That same force guided me into a recovery room. 

There I was welcomed by a community of people who were just like me inside.

They had tried to escape life for far too long and in every way imaginable. 

Now we were all desperate enough to surrender to this crucible of change called sobriety.

Sobriety promised a new life. 

We all knew it was the only path forward and that we couldn’t do it alone. 

We all came to that room searching for Hope. 

A Life with Hope is what we found together.  

✨“Once you know something, you can’t unknow it.”

-The best teacher I ever had (probably quoting someone else).✨

✨The Social Dilemma: 12 Things Sober People Want You to Know

Why should you care about my sobriety journey? You shouldn’t. 

Sobriety is a deeply personal and intimate choice. Sobriety is a universal concept but a solo experience. An experience that is no one’s business except the person choosing it. 

Recovery, however, is all about sharing your experience, strength, and hope. Recovery requires being seen, sharing your story, telling your truth, and navigating the outside world sober with these newly acquired tools and principles.

That’s what I choose to do every day because my life depends on it. 

So here we are.

Sobriety has social implications. This is why people tend to care. And everyone has an opinion. Revealing that you’re sober has the awesome power to unleash racing rationales in a total stranger and deep defenses in a dear friend all because you’re passing on the wine or the joint. Sharing this choice you’ve made in your life (for your own personal reasons) never fails to inspire someone to explain in great and random detail why they’re not making that choice, or most importantly why they don’t need to. It’s staggering, surprising, and delightful. I love telling people I’m sober because I’m always so curious to see the curtain rise and the show that ensues afterward. 

Here is a list of reasons why you should or shouldn’t care about my personal choice to live a sober life and a guide on how to handle a social interaction with a sober person so we can all move on with our lives and have a good time:

1. It’s personal, and none of your business. I’m not obliged to tell you WHY.
2. It’s not a judgment on how you live your life, rather a decision about how I live mine.
3. No thank you, I’m not really interested in “your take” or opinion on my sobriety. 
4. I don’t care if you drink, smoke, or imbibe recreational whatever. Mostly because I’ve done all of it and think it’s great fun and am really just a huge fan of everyone having a good time and living their best life!
5. My sobriety does not preclude me from partying and having an amazing time. Spoiler: I’m awesome and hilarious and a hoot to be around sober! (The use of “hoot” notwithstanding I am really a kick-ass good time.) 
6. I don’t think I’m better than you. I’m just striving to be better than me yesterday. 
7. I don’t think everyone that drinks is an alcoholic or everyone who smokes weed is addicted. It’s not about you, it’s about me. Only you know the intimate details of your relationship with substances and why you partake. If you feel attacked or judged in the presence of my sobriety, perhaps it’s an invitation to get curious about why you feel that way. 
8. I don’t have space or energy to judge your choices, I’m too busy trying to stay sane and sober over here! 
9. The only thing that matters is that we all feel good about our choices and feel empowered about how we’re choosing to live our life. That’s what I believe, at least. 
10. Just say you think it’s great that I’m making the choice that’s best for me and clink my spirit free bevy and let’s enjoy our time together!
11. It’s awesome and supportive when you share your experience with abstaining from something and celebrate sober life. It’s not awesome or supportive when you: 
1. Say things like: “Weed isn’t addictive!” “How do you have fun?” “Are you sure you’re an addict?” “Recovery sounds like a lot of work.”
2. Or act like going without cocktails for a month is the same as being sober. You have a choice. An addict or an alcoholic does not.
3. Yes! These are all real things people have said and done when I’ve shared I’m sober.
12. I’m in love with my Spirit being Free. That’s why I don’t get high and prefer being spirit-free. 

✨Sobriety is making the choice that’s best for you. Recovery is choosing to be the best you.✨

Sobriety, Sober Curious, and “Sober October” are rising in the mainstream, which is amazing because all of these efforts invite people to examine their relationship with alcohol or substances. Anyone can be sober, anyone can give up their rosé for a month— and truly everyone should try it at some point if only to spark new appreciation in your relationship with yourself and your spirit of choice. Or better yet -- your SPIRIT.

Recovery however is a singular quest, in that it can only be pursued by the individual, and only by individuals who are ready to surrender their former way of life and build anew. 

Many are called, few are chosen. 

Recovery is the call to choose You.

Recovery is the daily path of choosing your Highest Self. 

Recovering your past, so you may heal in the present, and show up as a better version of yourself in the future.  

Recovery is not easy, but it is simple. 

It’s a rare person who chooses a life of recovery, and commits to learning and living through that lens each day. Even rarer to begin and live your recovery journey during a global pandemic. These two transformative life experiences have afforded me a rare perspective that I am very grateful for and feel called to share. 

I certainly don’t claim to be an expert, especially about how you should live your life. 

That’s your quest. I’m here to share what I’ve learned on my own quest, and how my Sober State has helped me survive and thrive while living in the Pandemic Place.

That’s why you should care. 

Recovery is for everyone and it’s available to you right now. 

It doesn’t matter if you consider yourself an addict in any shape or form.

Recovery is relief.

Recovery is an invitation to heal (and a proven process to facilitate healing).

Recovery is a hope transport. 

Recovery is a respite.

And right now everyone needs relief, healing, and hope.

We are all navigating the unknown and building anew.

We’re in this together. 

✨“Welcome home.” -what they said to me at my first recovery meeting.✨